stepping off the edge

Let’s see, where were we… ah yes, Ft. Lauderdale. It seems we are just so close to the southern edge of the country (well, the mainland anyway) that we could not resist going to Key West. Perhaps it was the lure of the semi-tropical feel or perhaps it was just reminiscent of the television series “Bad Monkey” but whatever it was, here we are on our way. Stopped into a little breakfast place just south of Miami to eat and found that they were as close to a NY deli as you could find south of the Mason Dixon line. Fabulous latkes and two enormous flat screens, one showing downdown Miami traffic and one showing NYC specifically SOHO. Even saw old uncle Carlo’s (he would require an entire blog of his own for you to really appreciate him) rent controlled apartment that I frequented on West Broadway and Houston. Those were the days. One block over was the heart of little Italy and the other direction was the famed Greenwich Village.

The road to the Keys is interesting in an unsettling way. The Gulf on one side and the Caribbean on the other and precious little land between. It was mostly one or two lanes each way and water on either side, the seven mile bridge being the most interesting as there was no land at all, just causeway over the two bodies of water. I know in my left brain that it was as safe as one could be traveling but the lizard side of me felt the weight of the water lapping at the sides of the road… makes one think.

First night in I whipped up a couple of boudin po’boys. Oh my, that was good.

Great sushi the next night after the requisite conch fritters, also an homage to “Bad Monkey.”

We stayed on Duval Street, famous for its risqué parades and festivals and it did not disappoint with a cannabis shop every 12 feet and various suggestive lingerie shops in between. They even had rainbow crosswalks… it seems there is a theme to this particular Florida visit.

The next day it was a long walk to the southern most point in the states.

Along the way we decided to make our own shortcut. Now if you have been following along you must know by now that it was ill advised based on the two travelers you have been following. Well, you were right! As we made our way through the slightly less developed path we came upon the local residents who were much bigger than these pictures make it seem but I was not going to get into the frame for comparison, no way no how and we quickly retraced our steps back on the path of Google Maps righteousness.

On the way back to Ft Lauderdale we decided to make a quick side trip to the Miami Sex Museum. Yes, that is correct. We could not have anticipated such a well curated and interactive experience.

And you read that correctly “modern sex, desire machines and fun land.” And did it deliver. Why Mrs. T and I even got married by a wedding vending machine that actually dispensed not only a marriage photo but two lovely rings! There was also a rather well curated display on the sexual mores of the past as well as the checkered history of the vibrator, male massage machines and dildos. We were ushered through a tunnel with many psychedelic lights into a room with every odd sexual game you can imagine from a glory hole game reminiscent of whack a mole and an electric kissing game that measured the ardency of our kissing. We aced it!

Now my faithful editor may delete this next photo but there was also a video that I am not posting so I should get credit for at least some discretion!

Yes, Mrs. T road the mechanical bull…

[Editors note: the whole museum was rather gimmicky, but I stayed on the bull!]

The entire town, by the way, is overrun with chickens and roosters! Great shades of Kauai. Signs everywhere warning you not to feed them but they seem to be more than thriving. The roosters obviously did not have a sense of the time of day because they crowed 24/7.

Leaving town we stopped at a classic greasy spoon, oddly enough named the Wooden Spoon. I had my yearly chicken fried steak, eggs, biscuits and gravy. But more about this in the next post, where I unload (sorry for the poor choice of words) my rant regarding the sorry state of toilet paper in this great land of the USA!